The Funeral

when I'm buried

The hole for me could be dug,

and then covered

Will you be there,

watching my casket be lowered

into the ground?

Apart from my family,

who will attend to pay their respects?

Maybe those who believe I had an impact

on their life

will come

and grieve.

Will you cry tears for me?

Wipe them away.

You have your life to live.

All I ask is that you remember me.

I will not hold it against

whoever may not be there.

What do I care?

I'm dead.

My feelings cannot be hurt.

All those years, I worked so

hard

And now someone will do the same

for me. For my funeral.

Please, whoever the message is for

I don't want plastic flowers.

They will blow in the wind.

It's a pain to clean them up.

Will there be a crowd at my final goodbye?

When my eulogy is prepared,

write it the way I would like;

funny one liners.

Leave my funeral now,

whoever has come.

I'm trying to rest

Almost Over

CHANGE- a change is going to come, at least that's what I keep hearing people say; but tell me when is that change supposed to make its mark on my life. Maybe the change I want to happen requires me to make a great decision. I'm on a mission now a mission for happiness. there are so many people out there talking bout all I want is for you to be happy. That's bullshit because a lot of those fuckers are the ones causing me to be unhappy. if its not one thing its a-fuckin-nother. then when a brotha speaks his mind like everyone keeps telling him. muthafuckas wanna have an attitude. i have held so much shit trying to make others happy and shit got a nigga walking on eggshells trying to be the most understanding guy in the world. a lot of people used to tell me i was mean. but i honestly don't see that shit. so much shit has been going on and i ALSO let so much shit happen to me and people say so much shit without me doing anything i feel i haven't been mean @ all or not enough. Because people still believe that can do what the fuck they want to me and say what the fuck they want to me and I not do anything. To be honest yes I've been sitting back letting people do shit for certain reason but people starting to get carried away with some of they shit.

If you thought I was mean before, Just wait.....
I wonder how long will it take for y'all to understand what you all are about to do to me,,,, everyone who reads my blog and trust i know who does because it tells me. start to notice my change and don't get mad when its not something you want. but trust me when I say this it'll all be over soon, will you all miss me....Just remember if you attend Remember to say good things.

Ginuwine Friend

Should you ever feel sad and alone,
If finding times is hard to bare,
You can still count on me my friend.
You know I always be there.

You will always be in my thoughts,
If you are hurting, I feel the hurt too.
Our friendship really matters to me,
I shall forever share it with you.

When you're down and depressed,
My support you can depend.
I will listen if you need an ear,
I will be a truly forever friend.

I am always here for you,
Any moment you need me.
I'm a real true friend,
You can always lean on

Always be here

If ever you need me I'll be right here,
To take away the sadness,
And wipe away the tears.
Each and every moment you cry.
If ever you need me I'll be right here.
I'll be two steps behind to follow your footsteps,
And hear what's on your mind.
To comfort you and support you.
If ever you need me I'll be right here,
You'll never have to fear,
You'll never have to worry,
You can always count on me.
If ever you need me I'll be right here,
I'll always be around,
To bring back the laughter,
Where deep in your heart it's found.

We Belong Together

I trust you with my heart and everything I own
Your heart and soul is where I'll always call home
Sometimes its hard and things don't always go our way
But our love grows stronger and more beautiful each day

Its true there is bad times maybe worse than the last
But in time we'll be smiling again quite fast
I know you'll always be there for me during good and bad
And I'm sorry that it affects you so much each time I'm sad

My heart will fall for each time I see your face
With you I could be with forever and no other place
Baby you're my everything and so much more
You welcome me in each time I walk through a door

For the rest of our lives we'll be more than a friend
Sticking by each others side till the very end
A magical feeling between us two that will last till forever
The lyrics say it in Mariah's song 'we belong together'

Loss of faith pt. 2

Lord I know you are in my heart, sometimes I feel you are not there.
I know Lord it is I who left, to seek things elsewhere.

Last night Lord I cried and cried, for I felt I was not worthy of your love.
But this morning Lord, I know it is being sent from above.

There will be times of doubt I know, and I pray for a reminder you are there.
Because Lord Jesus for most of my life I believed in you, and that you really cared.
I wouldn’t be here today but for you, because I felt dying would be easier then what I was going through.
Today Lord sometimes I get really down, and I have to remind myself what you want me to do.

Lord I am thankful for the good things in my life.
My children, my Family, and most of all waking me to enjoy that life.
It is a beautiful day here today, and i’m glad to be here to witness it.
Because last night I felt dying was much easier then what was going on in my life

I pray Lord that we can make a decision about the main problem that I have now.
But somehow in my heart, I know you will help me somehow.
I got a lot of things off my mind last evening, things that were making me feel sad.
This morning Lord I know you are in my heart, and I’m really glad.

Loss of Faith

Somewhere

in the night of my mind

there is a hope

that kindness will restore

that place

deep

dead

inside of me.

Those in whom

I have placed my trust

have taken, shaken

and abused

my willingness

to believe.

If only there were

left, only an empty shell

and not this wreathing, writhing

blackness.

Charred faith

charred hope

charred trust

dust to dust.

Losing Faith Now

Please do you hear me screaming out?
My heart beats so loud I am sure you can
I am always getting this love thing so wrong
When I think I am getting it right the bell has rang
My soul is lonely and all the time, time is going slowly.
Do I have to wait for the next life to get this right?
Hear me oh god hear me now, please hear me
You’re out there somewhere but who and where?
My soul is lonely and people say stop looking for him.
He will come when your not but please it’s not a sin
To want what friends and family have a love of their own?  
People are moving on before me but here I am standing still
This upward battle and always climbing up that lonely hill
Don’t put your trust in walls because when they fall
You will feel it once more the sadness you felt before.

Surgeon - Ci Ci

Head Back
Eyes Closed
Deep breath
Let go
Bare with me
I'll take good care
I'm an expert
Other guys just can't compare
I'm highly recommended
Don't need a second opinion
You'll be all better (baby once I'm finished)
So be a good patient
Be patient
Stay under my observation
And holler back if you want it...

I know you never had a guy quite like me
I take a girl boy and give her cold feet

When it comes to love I'm like a surgeon
I'm a true tactician I'm a make your body better when we get in the right position
I'm a make your body jump, every time my body pumps
Until your reflexes leave you weak, my love is like anesthesia I'll rock you fast to sleep
Oh yes, I'm highly qualified, lay your head back on that pillow and relax your mind

Check calling patient numba one make sure that you sign out,
an when you're done make sure you grab a sucka on the way out the door n make your next appointment an come back and get some more

Now that you've learned, you'll be so glad you returned, open up your mouth, let me check you out.
My ears will be your stethoscope
We'll feel your vital signs and make sure your heart is beating like mine.
I appreciate your recovery time.
You'll need a physical one more time head to feet baby your just fine your my best patient and you'll never have to wait in line

That's it baby you can count on T give you everything you need, know that your body got nothing on me,
So call me in case of an emergency...

A Good Day

So today was my Momma Carol's B-Day (how old she turned don't ask lol) me and the Family went down to celebrate with her. It was nice seeing her again, she just be filled with so much joy. Not only did i get to see her but other family members as well. I got to see my niece's and nephew for the first time. I can tell Lil James and T.J are gonna be close growing up, at least imma try to keep them close like that. It still kinda irritates me that everyone got my dad's height but me (lol) but I'll get over it. I like that side of my family. Everyone is so vibrant and they seem like they like to have a lot of fun. I cant wait to spend more time with them and get to know them more, I still got 22 years to be catching up on (lol). Well that was part of my day... and must I say it was great. I pray to have more like them

Scarred

So this is still fresh in my mind from a few nights ago so i guess to get it out of my head i should write about it. I had a dream that really shook the hell out of me. me and my son were playing in my front room as normal laughing and rolling around. All of a sudden i feel this pain in my chest which caused me to lean over to try and catch my breath. Immediately my son stopped laughing as if he knew something was wrong and started grabbing me and pulling on my clothes. The more and more I tried to move I felt it harder to try and breathe. I tried to lay there and calm myself down and possibly gain control of my breathing or rhythm of my heart. by this time i could move at all and the only thing i could do was see; see the eyes of my son starring at me crying to the top of his lungs for his father to get up to the point where he's hitting me as if he thought I was sleeping. As my life was slipping away this was the only vision i had left in the world, A horrid scare and cry in the eyes of my son that lost his father.....................

My Meaning

To love is to share life together
to build special plans just for two
to work side by side
and then smile with pride
as one by one, dreams all come true.

To love is to help and encourage
with smiles and sincere words of praise
to take time to share
to listen and care
in tender, affectionate ways.

To love is to have someone special
one who you can always depend
to be there through the years
sharing laughter and tears
as a partner, a lover, a friend.

To love is to make special memories
of moments you love to recall
of all the good things
that sharing life brings
love is the greatest of all.

I've learned the full meaning
of sharing and caring
and having my dreams all come true;
I've learned the full meaning
of being in love
by being and loving with you.

My Love

My love is like an ocean
It goes down so deep
My love is like a rose
Whose beauty you want to keep.

My love is like a river
That will never end
My love is like a dove
With a beautiful message to send.

My love is like a song
That goes on and on forever
My love is like a prisoner
It's to you that I surrender.

This Time Last Year

Once when I was young, I felt so afraid
I cried myself to sleep as to my God I prayed
But as I grew older, His light seemed to dim
I walked down the valley on a road paved with sin
Everywhere that I go, every place that I look
The truth is told by liars and the law run by crooks
Every person I know who has a tale to tell
Speaks of persecution and time spent in a cell
All these false accusations just don't seem to end
If you're looking for justice, then you're lost my friend
As people will tell you, the most heinous crime
Is simply existence in the wrong place and time
Look at the sun as it falls from the sky
Only this time last year no-one thought to think why
Tomorrow looks hazy seen through tears of today
Just believe in the future; they can't take that away

Emotionally Drained

It’s a beautiful day; the sun is shining;
So why am I here constantly whining?
Raindrops are falling from inside my heart.
Slowly my whole world begins to fall apart.

My soul is too weak and too tired to fight,
Too depressed and sad to sleep at night.
My thoughts are scattered all over the place
And I can’t find a smile to wear on my face.

A great sadness has taken control of me.
I haven’t got the energy to break free.
Everything I do just makes it worse.
I’m so tired of trying to finish first.

Psychically exhausted by giving my all.
No one seems to care that I’m going to fall.
Suicidal thoughts begin to flood my brain.
I'm just so tired of the emotional drain.

Memories That Wont Fade Away

Trapped in side this box,
Trying to escape,
Look what you've done to me,
Just give me a break,

U said u love me,
But still u continue to hurt me,
What's wrong with the people in this world,
What pleasure do go u get by hurting others,
Or naming them bad words.

You don't know me,
Or what I've been through,
So why put all the blame on me,
So why criticize me,
For all the pain I've been through,
Try waking up everyday,
With memories that just wont fade away.

All the pain and emotional scars,
There hard to deal with,
Taking it out on others
Because know one knows the truth,
No one can truly understand,
Unless it happens to you,
So don't call me a trip,

Because you don't know me,
Or what I've been through,
So why put all the blame on me,
So why criticize me
For all the pain I've been through,
Try waking up everyday,
With memories that just wont fade away,

I didn't ask for any of this to happen to me,
People are so dark and cruel,
The same thing has happened to others,
Like at school,
So why me?
You treat me like I'm a disease.
I had no control over what others did,
So let me be me,
Instead of the hopeless little boy
That everyone makes me out to be,
Please help me through this and just stop judging me,

Because you don't know me,
Or what I've been through,
So why put all the blame on me,
So why criticize me
For all the pain I've been through,
Try waking up everyday,
With memories that just wont fade away.

In Your Hands

These feelings surge within me.
You can find me here my head against the wall
And every time I fall you catch me in your hands.

Only to let me fall again.
Why does this happen.

I'm lost in my regret

But there a promise from heaven a promise from you a promise of love.

God of all I'm crying out to you tonight if you there and if you care come and wash my Sins away if you dare.

Stare into my soul oh creator please never let me go

Anger

This ill temper I have is making me mad
I blow up and I don’t know why
I wish for just a moment I could handle my anger right
I wish for just a moment I could love you right
I wish my attitude would just go away
I wish my anger would stay at bay
This outlook I have on life needs to change
This outlook I have you needs to say the same
I love you deep down inside
I wish you would see
That you’re the only princess for me

The anger I have deep in side
Comes out when I least expect it
This anger I have in me should just go away
This anger I have is an annoyance
This anger I have has messed my life up
This anger I have is stupid
Anger you have messed up my love for you
Anger you have messed up my life
Anger you have destroyed who I am inside and out
Anger you are the devil
Anger you are all that is bad
This anger I have in me has made me fight
A fight that was not worth it

Anger you made me hit the wrong person
Anger you made me do the wrong things
Anger you are the feeling that I would never miss
Anger you have caused me so much sorrow
Anger you have caused nothing but grief.
Anger just go away

Assurance

If you think you are beaten, you are;
If you think that you dare not, you don't;
If you'd like to win and you think you can't
It's almost certain that you won't.

If you think you'll lose, you've lost;
For out in the world you'll find
Success begins with a fellows will -
It's all in the state of mind.

If you think that you are out-classed, you are;
You've got to think high to rise;
You've got to be sure of yourself before
You can ever win a prize.

Life's battles don't always go
To the stronger or faster man;
But sooner or later, the man who wins
Is the man who thinks he can.

NERD!!!!

So... anyone who really knows me knows i have a nerdy side. Especially for things like electronics. For those of you who know phones know that the HTC HD2 is a WM device, after a few days of search and trial and error i was able to load Android software on it only bug was when i tried to make a call the person on the other end sounds like a robot>>>guess that droid shit is real<<<< but i know there is a way too fix it and after 2 days I'm a lil tired of dealing wit it.... ill get back to it soon though cuz I'm determined to make this happen. pray for me y'all.....

HOW?

How could you say those things to me? The ones that hurt the most, that hit home hard like a reckon ball. The ones that pierce the soul and emotions of something that was once there. People say sticks ad stones... Fuck that words do hurt. Not only do they hurt they change things. The way you feel bout yourself, things and others. Makes me feel down and out only to notice that this is how you really feel about me and this situation... Therefore what shall I do.. Your words describe it all..

Delirium

I feel insane
and every breath I take
seems to prove my point

Sinking further into
antisocial habits and bipolar swings
of emotion

Phantom visions are
merciless in their haunting of my mind
Taunting me with should've and would've
I can feel the anger
and the frustration with all that is
around me

The stinging in my eyes grows worse
as the Helpless and Hopeless-ness becomes greater
Consuming every fiber of my being

I am afraid
I am confused
I am hurt

Left the wonder why
I was giving these visions of animistic essence
If I am not able to fulfill them

I am tired
I am frustrated
I am sick

Pandemonium

the confusion is ever present
clouding my memories from only myself
and causing a change in demeanor
one so unlike the person i know

bad habits hard to break
good ones hard to obtain
the one's neutral make it hard to pick a side
and I'm left more confused than i was to begin with

words come out in a jumbled mess
picking them apart would take centuries
years that i don't have
and don't want

blank screens and trembling hands
thumping hearts and heavy breathing
cotton mouths and tunnel vision
reluctant limbs and mind seething

where to start?
where to end?

what to say
when there are no words

how to break the silence
slice through the absence
how to quiet the eloquence
stop displaying the impudence

broken into pieces
by a remark as cold as ice
as the person from which the words
left the fingertips and lips

bitter

like the taste of under ripe fruit
as they are prematurely plucked from their comfort
to be placed in the foulest of areas
a mouth of sin and ruin

Please Forgive Me

I know I hurt you and I feel so bad,
For saying and doing things and making you sad..
It's just that my love for you is so great,
I want to be with you forever, I just can't wait..
You are so special, one of a kind,
I could look forever and never find,
Anyone else as wonderful as you,
With such a pretty smile and do the things you do.
Please forgive me for things I said,
I love you so much, It just messed my head..
You are my life. My very breath,
I promise to love you, even after death..
So if you can forgive this warm hearted man
You'll never see that part of me again..
I'll love you and take care of you for infinity,
We'll make it, together, just you and me..

Pledge of Love

I've made a vow, to no one but you
I pledge my love to forever be true
I'll take care of you and treat you right
I'll lay beside you all through the night
I'll feed you and clothe you and keep you warm
I'll hug you and kiss you and give shelter in the storm
I'll help you and guide you and clear a path
I'll protect you and shield you from an angry man's wrath
I'll listen to your problems help you solve them too
I'll make you a rainbow and let the sun shine through
I'll take your side even if you're wrong
Just to prove our love is strong
I'll plant you flowers and make them grow
They'll be a symbol of love that only we'll know
I'll whisper your name when no one is near
So low that only you can hear
You'll feel my love even if we're apart
You'll know that we are one in heart

Perfection in my Eyes

All I ever wanted was to be part of your heart,
And for us to be together, to never be apart.

No one else in the world can even compare,
You're perfect and so is this love that we share.

We have so much more than I ever thought we would,
I love you more than I ever thought I could.

I promise to give you all I have to give,
I'll do anything for you as long as I live.

In your eyes I see our present, our future and past,
By the way you look at me I know we will last.

I hope that one day you'll come to realize,
How perfect you are when seen through my eyes.

My Sweetheart

So often when I am embracing you,
It seems that you exist in this world
only because of me and I exist because of you.

It's not easy to wander in this world
and not lose one's way,
but the greatest happiness of all
is in giving joy to one's beloved.

And if the king can have his throne,
and if the bird can have his Spring nest,
and God can have his heaven,
then I, my sweetheart, I can have you!

Love

Sometimes at night, when I look to the sky,
I start thinking of you and then ask myself, why?
Why do I love you? I think and smile,
because I know the list could run on for miles.
The whisper of your voice, the warmth of your touch,
so many little things that make me love you so much.
The way you support me, and help with my emotions,
the way that you care and show such devotion.
The way that your kiss, fills me with desire,
and how you hold me with the warmth of a blazing fire.
The way your eyes shine when you look at me,
lost with you forever is where I want to be.
The way that I feel when you're by my side,
a sense of completion and overflowing pride.
The dreams that I dream, that all involve you,
the possibilities I see and the things we can do.
How you finish the puzzle that lies inside my heart,
how that deep in my soul, you are the most important part.
I could go on for days, telling of what I feel,
but all you really must know is my love for you is real.

My Promise

When times come when you find yourself in deep trouble Like a ship lost in the mid-sea during a storm You want to cry and need a shoulder to lean on Seem hopeless and could not move on... Got no one around whom to count on. Maybe you have totally forgotten me Have given up on me for somebody Think I am useless and nothing but garbage So you shun and make a mock on me. You might be surprised when you turn your back See me smile with open arms and extended hands For unlike them whom you prefer to be with than me I'll never give up...
Nor turn my back on you. I'll be your candle To offer you light so you may not stumble I'm here always for you
Love GOD

If There's One

If there's one face I want to see, so beautiful, so true, one smile that makes a difference, to everything I do. If there's one touch I long to feel, one voice I long to hear, whenever I am happy, or just needing someone near. If there's one joy, one love, from which I never want to part, it's you, my very special love, my world, my life, my heart.

Untitled

If time could stand still, I'd freeze it here,
So you'd always hold me, close and near.
In your arms, where I'm meant to be,
Filled with the perfect love you've given me.
A bond so strong, a hold so tight,
To know you're the one; my 'Mrs. Right'.
A blessing sent from up above,
In you I've found my one true love.
Our lives entwined to be as one,
Upon this journey we've just begun.
Where you and I will find no less,
Than eternal love and happiness.

Hope of the World

Womb of the mother
In which resides the hope of the world
True paradigm of
Love
Joy
Sacrifice
Hope
Your bulging belly extends
Like the hand of God
Pushing
Stretching
Showing all of us the miracle of life.

Everything you do goes
To the child within you
You never act for yourself
Confident and
Strong
You are my hero
More powerful that any Hercules
More feminist, than any feminist
More important that any work
Do not listen to the world!
They find happiness in pleasure
But you find joy in giving
Yourself up
For another
The paradigm of
Christ
Your own belly button is highlighted
By your massive girth
Remember. remember
You once experienced this thing called birth.
Spes Mundi (Hope Of The World)

Forgiveness

If you try to reach inside of your heart you can find forgiveness, or at least the start And from that place where you can forgive is where Hope, and Love, also thrive and live And with each step that you try to take and with that chance that your heart might break Comes so much happiness, and so much strength which Alone can carry you a fantastic length For hate and anger will not get you there and though you say that you just don't care You can EASILY avoid the pain on which hate feeds . . . the kind of hurt that No one needs Just make the move, take that first stride let go of the thing known as "Foolish Pride" Maybe then you can start to repair the past into something strong, that will mend, and last! 

Forgive Me My Love

I know I fought with you without any reason forgive me my love
I know I used bitter words for you forgive me my love
I know I hurt your feelings even you were innocent forgive me my love
I know I abused you though you were right forgive me my love
I know I didn't believe you as my partner forgive me my love
I know I didn't praise your good deeds forgive me my love
I know I didn't wipe your tears when you were sad forgive me my love
I know I didn't value your love and affection forgive me my love
Now, I have realized all my mistakes that I made I promise you will never let you down again Please forgive me and come back to me

Forgive Me

Tell me what I shouldn't do, Forgive me for what I had, because I never meant to do anything, Which can make you feel sad. All your pain dear, I wished I could see, But I was too busy, just thinking of me...I'm sorry for what I shouldn't have done, Extremely sorry for everything I had, Now please tell me what I should do, To make you feel better, shed off your sad. Trust me, for every word I say is true, Just tell me and I'll do whatever I have to....Let me make it clear now, I don't care even if I have to die, But just because of me, I'll never make you wanna cry. Tell me what I shouldn't do, Please forgive me for what I had, Don't wanna hurt you again, Just let me know if I'm too bad. But forgive me please, don't be sad, don't be mad. Please....

Forgive

If I cannot forgive myself
For all the blunders
That I have made
Over the years,Then how can I proceed? How can I ever Dream perfection-dreams? Move, I must, forward. Fly, I must, upward. Dive, I must, inward, To be once more What I truly am And shall forever remain.

For You Are The One

For you I would climb
The highest mountain peak
Swim the deepest ocean
Your love I do seek.

For you I would cross
The rivers most wide
Walk the hottest desert sand
To have you by my side.

For you are the one
Who makes me whole
You've captured my heart
And touched my soul.

For you are the one
That stepped out of my dreams
Gave me new hope
Showed me what love means.

For you alone
Are my reason to live
For the compassion you show
And the care that you give.

You came into my life
And made me complete
Each time I see you
My heart skips a beat.

For you define beauty
In both body and mind
Your soft, gentle face
More beauty I'll never find.

For you are the one
God sent from above
The angel I needed
For whom I do love.

Blessed

Your words are softly spoken.
Your touch is ever so gentle and warm.
You turn and glance at me with a beauty all your own.
So just remember that I love you.

You are always with me and within me.
And you hold my essence in your soul.
I walk in your light and rest in your smile,
And just remember that I love you.

You move through my world like a cool and clear stream,
That washes over me with soothing delight.
You are the best part of all that has ever happened in my life.
So just remember that I love you.

I desire each and every embrace you ever shower me with.
And in the end, our arms will reach across and break the divide, for
It is you, being just who you are, that makes me remember,
How blessed I am, to be in love with you.

A Lover's Sorrow

Lying awake in the middle of the night.
Tears running from my eyes.
Thinking about you all the time.
I'm crying because I miss you.
I love you so much.
I don't care what other people say,
I am completely in love with you.
I wanna be in your arms sleeping,
listening to the sound of your heart beating.
I never wanna give this love up.
All these thoughts make me sleepy.
So I close my eyes,
dreaming of you with me.

Father

I never know my father, just only what I've heard from my family growing up in my young years. About how i looked like him and how he was tall and seasoned or along in years. James Young (or Jimmy is what everyone calls him) was the name i searched for over 11 yrs. Now don't me wrong people my father didn't walk out on me and my mother, no no sir, you see he passed away 4 days after my birth..... that's right I said 4 days. (Can you say DAMN). I'm not happy to say that my father was a married man when my mother got pregnant with me, Separated, Yet still married. My mother used to tell me a story of how members of his side of the family knew about me, just didn't want to come to deal with telling other family members that good ol' Jimmy had an illegitimate child in the mix somewhere. at least that's the story I was told, though later I'd find out that wasn't entirely true. I also recently found out from my mother after she cracked in tears from me asking a hell of a lot of questions and her guilt that I was just a mistake. Let her tell it she was F***ing around with a guy getting what she wanted and messed around and got pregnant. Not that she didn't want me when she found out or anything but hey i was just a mistake. Funny how i was born with almost every feature of this man except his height, even inherited his heart problems (which is the way he died btw) being born with a whole in my heart and having in normal EKG's for the rest of my life. YET not even knowing what he looks like, terrible that all the pictures and obituary that my mother had was burned in the house we had by my pyromaniac brother. SMDH. Searching for these people caused so much pain and heartache wondering why his side of the family wouldn't want me, its not like i had done anything wrong to them. but that's how people are SO I THOUGHT. Took me 11 yrs but i finally found them and lets just say the atmosphere was nothing like i expected. talk about welcomed arms. 4 brothers and a sister that I have (go figure). funny how I'm still the youngest though :-(    its kinda hard for me to get to know them the way i want, i mean i been used to not knowing them all these years ya know. lets just say we have a lot of catching up to do. Ill elaborate more on how these meetings went down but lets just say that I'm happy i finally found them. Now i mainly worry about my health fathers condition kinda sneaking up on me. thanks for reading my advocates. pls comment.