Father

I never know my father, just only what I've heard from my family growing up in my young years. About how i looked like him and how he was tall and seasoned or along in years. James Young (or Jimmy is what everyone calls him) was the name i searched for over 11 yrs. Now don't me wrong people my father didn't walk out on me and my mother, no no sir, you see he passed away 4 days after my birth..... that's right I said 4 days. (Can you say DAMN). I'm not happy to say that my father was a married man when my mother got pregnant with me, Separated, Yet still married. My mother used to tell me a story of how members of his side of the family knew about me, just didn't want to come to deal with telling other family members that good ol' Jimmy had an illegitimate child in the mix somewhere. at least that's the story I was told, though later I'd find out that wasn't entirely true. I also recently found out from my mother after she cracked in tears from me asking a hell of a lot of questions and her guilt that I was just a mistake. Let her tell it she was F***ing around with a guy getting what she wanted and messed around and got pregnant. Not that she didn't want me when she found out or anything but hey i was just a mistake. Funny how i was born with almost every feature of this man except his height, even inherited his heart problems (which is the way he died btw) being born with a whole in my heart and having in normal EKG's for the rest of my life. YET not even knowing what he looks like, terrible that all the pictures and obituary that my mother had was burned in the house we had by my pyromaniac brother. SMDH. Searching for these people caused so much pain and heartache wondering why his side of the family wouldn't want me, its not like i had done anything wrong to them. but that's how people are SO I THOUGHT. Took me 11 yrs but i finally found them and lets just say the atmosphere was nothing like i expected. talk about welcomed arms. 4 brothers and a sister that I have (go figure). funny how I'm still the youngest though :-(    its kinda hard for me to get to know them the way i want, i mean i been used to not knowing them all these years ya know. lets just say we have a lot of catching up to do. Ill elaborate more on how these meetings went down but lets just say that I'm happy i finally found them. Now i mainly worry about my health fathers condition kinda sneaking up on me. thanks for reading my advocates. pls comment.