If I ever tell someone "Hey I'm always here if you wanna talk and get things off you chest" but when that person comes to me and I'm not around or not available I can't get mad when they don't feel like talking about the situation or what was bothering them anymore. That would not be cool on my part. I also cant press the issue, all I can do is just sit back and wait till your comfortable to come to me and say "hey can I talk to you bout something?" then I'd be all ears. There are certain things that some people just don't like, feel comfortable, or just plain hard for them to talk about and the issue is not supposed to be forced. That's one of a few things I don't agree with therapy, some people just try to pry things out of your head that your not really comfortable with and it only makes you more uncomfortable after the fact. If i ever wanted someone to confide in me and for me to be someone they would go to in the event that they needed to talk and just get it out i have to be patient and let them come to me and not be pushy; after all they are coming to me.
AND ANOTHER THING...... make a small check point real quick. sometimes the best way and time to talk to someone is when your laying in bed, Just think about it, I'll say this from a guy stand point but I'm sure some women can relate, when your laying there wit your mate and u guys are just talking there is a line of comfort there that gives the opportunity to talk bout things they wouldn't normally talk about, its something bout laying there in the quiet dark room wit your lady laying there on your chest listening to your heart beat that gives the most comfort to a guy and ladies when he wraps that arm around u holding u to his heart makes the same feeling for u. and it doesn't necessarily have to be after sex although its greatly better, but just a nice talk would do. but on the sex side, you know how people say make up sex is the best sex. now don't get me wrong i kinda agree with this, when the wild side of people come out, but what people don't tell u is when all the love making is done the talk that comes afterwards, when she rests her head and he wraps his arm around her indicating the security she has in him. Its that moment that has the most effect because that comfort, vulnerability, trust, security is what lets people SHOW and EXPRESS they emotions when they normally don't, not saying that in the bed is when this ONLY happens but it happens frequently, JUST THINK ABOUT IT.,
Friday, July 22, 2011
Friday, June 17, 2011
A mind moving forward
My mind is truly everywhere, at times I have thoughts about things I don't normally think about. It often scare me when I think about how much has changed about me and my mind since I've graduated high school. I've done some things I've Prolly would have never done, but the question is why the change in my ways. Maybe its some things that happened before that I haven't just dealt with yet or maybe some things afterward. Someone close to me told me I have abandonment issues, now that may or may not be true but I know for sure that I have some issues That I do need to work out in my mind and in my heart. I plan to go see someone about who I am because the man before you isn't the man I know. When I look in the mirror I don't see myself. Funny my God mother says the same. She says she don't recognize my facial expressions, telling me That they are void and without meaning and she's not used to looking at me like that. I try to pull myself together as much as I can but nothing seems to work. I really hope I come out of this as someone I recognize, and stop hurting people and myself.
Thursday, June 9, 2011
Are You Afraid Of Being Different?
On the path of evolution, we move from being a willing and obedient member of the group to wanting to take control over our own lives. This is a necessary but difficult transition.
At this point we are afraid of being ourselves. We are afraid of being unique and different. We are afraid of being individually powerful, and even successful. For all of these things stand against the old ways that told us that conformity was right and individualism was wrong.
For as long as we possibly can, we make a compromise. We try to live both lives - the dependent tribal life and the independent personal life - as contradictory and opposite as they are.
We want approval from others. We want to be accepted and popular. We seek this comfort to overcome our fear and feel more secure. ...So, at times when we conform, we don’t feel the fear of living. But we might lose the new sense of adventure, discovery, daring and enthusiasm for life that the questioning and questing have brought us.
Saturday, June 4, 2011
Completed
questions that get asked while no answers have been given. the truth becomes obsolete while the lies become livin, misfortune and despair are only perception my thoughts remain clear while yours keep you guessin, to the confession of my deceptions trickle down the spine like a bad lesson, better quit messin while your ahead in this game with secluded fortune and fame. the realities i see are like a dimension in 3-d, with the optical illusions that become to hard to percieve causing a struggle to breathe, you cant even see that its about to be free you've unlocked the darkness in me. i begin to slice open and bleed, till the red turns to green. i've given up on it all life becomes to obscene, dont worry jus finish it im done with all the shit and absorbed the final hit, it wasnt the face or the chest you've punctured my heart and put it to the test, but i failed like the rest, you've proven your the best, so jus leave me alone im already obsessed, yeah i've confessed but at least i feel free and finally me, even though i hate it beyond all reality. so i guess that thats it, the hope has been dropped just finish off the life of the heart that you've stopped.
Not Required
I complete my ritual
and watch blood run down the drain
Waiting, just waiting
for it to release my pain
I find that my cuts
aren't healing as they once were.
I feel the blood leave my body
and I thought I was so sure.
I think about how she hurt me
and blink away the tears.
I know if someone found the cuts
they'd think of my in fear.
Confessing my lack of love
to those who do not mind
Hating myself for knowing
I've put them in a bind.
I know this habit is bad
but it's the only thing that helps.
And even when I do it
I feel my heart melt.
Hate rushes through me
as I think of what I've done.
For those who do not know me
could do nothing but shun.
I just want you to look at me
and think of me as a child.
The one you never had
to think of all the while.
This thing I've become
acustom to brings me
one step closer to death.
But then just maybe you would see.
I've always needed you
And you never needed me.
and watch blood run down the drain
Waiting, just waiting
for it to release my pain
I find that my cuts
aren't healing as they once were.
I feel the blood leave my body
and I thought I was so sure.
I think about how she hurt me
and blink away the tears.
I know if someone found the cuts
they'd think of my in fear.
Confessing my lack of love
to those who do not mind
Hating myself for knowing
I've put them in a bind.
I know this habit is bad
but it's the only thing that helps.
And even when I do it
I feel my heart melt.
Hate rushes through me
as I think of what I've done.
For those who do not know me
could do nothing but shun.
I just want you to look at me
and think of me as a child.
The one you never had
to think of all the while.
This thing I've become
acustom to brings me
one step closer to death.
But then just maybe you would see.
I've always needed you
And you never needed me.
Rectified
I have a lot of anger...
I feel it's justified.
I wont take retaliation,
I just want it rectified.
You promised you'd be here for me.
But then you betrayed me, turned your back.
Was it just your other easy way out?
Or was it backbone that you lacked.
You made promise to another...
On your grave.
You said you'd watch over me.
But in the end you sidestepped them away,
To satify the powers that be.
I hope you never need me.
For I'll be here to the end.
But remember when I turn my back...
And you thought you had a friend.
I feel it's justified.
I wont take retaliation,
I just want it rectified.
You promised you'd be here for me.
But then you betrayed me, turned your back.
Was it just your other easy way out?
Or was it backbone that you lacked.
You made promise to another...
On your grave.
You said you'd watch over me.
But in the end you sidestepped them away,
To satify the powers that be.
I hope you never need me.
For I'll be here to the end.
But remember when I turn my back...
And you thought you had a friend.
Mouth Of Misery
All alone, all alone, all alone…
Starving and deprived
Of life
Staring into emptiness
Barren and cruel
A desert of thought
Beat upon by two suns
Fear and pain rule this place
No companions to take my side
No guide to help me through
This place is taking its toll
Slowly my sanity unravels
Strand by strand
What’s there to do
I’m in the mouth of misery
Looking death in the face
Lost in the mouth of misery
All alone, all alone, all alone…
Kicking and screaming
To no avail
Fighting the undertow
So useless
Drowning in this sea of anger
Can’t stay afloat
To succumb to my pain
Is merely an eventuality
The inevitability of my end
Is far from guised
My mind caves in black
And I sink under
Starving and deprived
Of life
Staring into emptiness
Barren and cruel
A desert of thought
Beat upon by two suns
Fear and pain rule this place
No companions to take my side
No guide to help me through
This place is taking its toll
Slowly my sanity unravels
Strand by strand
What’s there to do
I’m in the mouth of misery
Looking death in the face
Lost in the mouth of misery
All alone, all alone, all alone…
Kicking and screaming
To no avail
Fighting the undertow
So useless
Drowning in this sea of anger
Can’t stay afloat
To succumb to my pain
Is merely an eventuality
The inevitability of my end
Is far from guised
My mind caves in black
And I sink under
Untitld (for now)
I am lost amongst
the flakes
of this new year's
aches
no one hears
the heart's call
for my smile is so small
and cannot part the lips
to liberate the words
your thoughts cover up your ears
you cannot hear
no one hears
the heartbeat's call
the words imprisoned by a smile
too small
yet indestructible wall
of despair
the need of you needs air
the need of you is deeply in need
for a spot
where you and I
can meet
where your thought
is my thought and my thought
doesn't bleed.
the flakes
of this new year's
aches
no one hears
the heart's call
for my smile is so small
and cannot part the lips
to liberate the words
your thoughts cover up your ears
you cannot hear
no one hears
the heartbeat's call
the words imprisoned by a smile
too small
yet indestructible wall
of despair
the need of you needs air
the need of you is deeply in need
for a spot
where you and I
can meet
where your thought
is my thought and my thought
doesn't bleed.
Monday, May 30, 2011
Good Guy
How many times has she said “I love you"??
Do you know how many times has she said
“I only want to be with you"??
More than you can imagine,
More than you see,
More than you even really want to believe.
Smokers, drinkers, and addicts too,
Not all will cause problems, but many do.
With issues in the family and issues in the home,
Issues with money, they are never alone.
They will lie and cheat and use you too
Looking after their needs is all they do.
Making you think you can’t live without,
Until you start getting boring, then you’re out.
They may be more outgoing and more fun
Often when they are high, they don’t know what they’ve done.
But if you actually want a relationship that will last,
Leave those guys in your past.
The nice guys can be fun too if you give us a chance,
The more experience we have, the more we advance.
But the more you ignore us and leave us behind,
When you come looking for us, we will be harder to find.
Because eventually we will find someone who will appreciate us for whom we are
While you’re sitting at home wishing that you didn’t go that far.
When your guy dumped you because he got scared,
While we sit there and become millionaires.
I hate to be there when you realized I was right
I try to warn you but you just put up a big fight.
All I can say is I hope I am wrong.
But more often than not, my predictions prove strong.
I know that some people can change for the good,
But why don’t you wait and see, like you really should.
because you all deserve much better than that
That’s not just my opinion, that’s a fact!
Do you know how many times has she said
“I only want to be with you"??
More than you can imagine,
More than you see,
More than you even really want to believe.
Smokers, drinkers, and addicts too,
Not all will cause problems, but many do.
With issues in the family and issues in the home,
Issues with money, they are never alone.
They will lie and cheat and use you too
Looking after their needs is all they do.
Making you think you can’t live without,
Until you start getting boring, then you’re out.
They may be more outgoing and more fun
Often when they are high, they don’t know what they’ve done.
But if you actually want a relationship that will last,
Leave those guys in your past.
The nice guys can be fun too if you give us a chance,
The more experience we have, the more we advance.
But the more you ignore us and leave us behind,
When you come looking for us, we will be harder to find.
Because eventually we will find someone who will appreciate us for whom we are
While you’re sitting at home wishing that you didn’t go that far.
When your guy dumped you because he got scared,
While we sit there and become millionaires.
I hate to be there when you realized I was right
I try to warn you but you just put up a big fight.
All I can say is I hope I am wrong.
But more often than not, my predictions prove strong.
I know that some people can change for the good,
But why don’t you wait and see, like you really should.
because you all deserve much better than that
That’s not just my opinion, that’s a fact!
BAD GUY
So everything I'll ever do will be forever seen
And forever read as forever red not ever green
When I'm as fresher and sharper than pine needles
You as human as me but say that I'm evil
That I'm a devil for not bein on your level
That I'm attractin negativity like magnets to metal
Like what I talk about is the Satan speech
But I'm saved by the blood not the bell so stop hatin, Screech
I've been speakin my outer and inner teachings
And give eager readers some kind of a reaching
And they take my hand cuz they understand
That though I'm not God, I am not above man
So you suckas can swallow, it's so fucked up that you follow
The herd like sheep but that sucks as a motto
To live by, die by, abide by, and that's why
I don't see you as heroes so you nuthin to the bad guy
And forever read as forever red not ever green
When I'm as fresher and sharper than pine needles
You as human as me but say that I'm evil
That I'm a devil for not bein on your level
That I'm attractin negativity like magnets to metal
Like what I talk about is the Satan speech
But I'm saved by the blood not the bell so stop hatin, Screech
I've been speakin my outer and inner teachings
And give eager readers some kind of a reaching
And they take my hand cuz they understand
That though I'm not God, I am not above man
So you suckas can swallow, it's so fucked up that you follow
The herd like sheep but that sucks as a motto
To live by, die by, abide by, and that's why
I don't see you as heroes so you nuthin to the bad guy
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
A New Life
I've been sitting around this life for years,
Not enough laughs and too many tears.
Trying to figure out where it all went,
These wasted years that I have spent.
Searching for something to go beyond,
Life's a stone skipping across a pond.
At the last skip, it hits with a splash,
Down the stone sinks, gone in a flash.
Pushing and pulling, it's tearing apart,
Poking and prodding an underused heart.
This dark velvet curtain that hides my soul,
Living this life has taken it's toll.
In a flash of bright light, the curtain is torn,
Tumbling down all tattered and worn.
Revealing new life, a child within,
Born free of hate, of suffering and sin.
Now my eyes see what has never been told,
Striving forth happy, confident and bold.
Into a world that's unfamiliar but friendly,
Into this new life my spirit will send me.
Living and laughing, loving it all,
I stood myself up and answered the call.
The darkness has gone, replaced by the light,
I gave up the darkness with hardly a fight.
I've been sitting around this life for years,
With laughter aplenty and hardly a tear.
Now I can see just where it all went,
Cherish every moment of this new life I've spent.
Not enough laughs and too many tears.
Trying to figure out where it all went,
These wasted years that I have spent.
Searching for something to go beyond,
Life's a stone skipping across a pond.
At the last skip, it hits with a splash,
Down the stone sinks, gone in a flash.
Pushing and pulling, it's tearing apart,
Poking and prodding an underused heart.
This dark velvet curtain that hides my soul,
Living this life has taken it's toll.
In a flash of bright light, the curtain is torn,
Tumbling down all tattered and worn.
Revealing new life, a child within,
Born free of hate, of suffering and sin.
Now my eyes see what has never been told,
Striving forth happy, confident and bold.
Into a world that's unfamiliar but friendly,
Into this new life my spirit will send me.
Living and laughing, loving it all,
I stood myself up and answered the call.
The darkness has gone, replaced by the light,
I gave up the darkness with hardly a fight.
I've been sitting around this life for years,
With laughter aplenty and hardly a tear.
Now I can see just where it all went,
Cherish every moment of this new life I've spent.
Monday, March 7, 2011
You Loved Me
I haven't seen you in a while
I haven't seen your smile
The one who lured me with her charms
is not with me, but in another's arms
Now what am I supposed to do?
I can't think about the good times
when you spoke the lover's lines
I can't think at all tonight,
I just wonder why?
Why do you love him and not me?
I love you, don't you see?
These thoughts cloud my mind
Did our love make me blind?
I just lay here because I can't sleep
Thinking of promises you couldn't keep
What did I do that changed your heart?
What was it that brought us apart?
I think of the words you whispered
The ones that no one else would hear
now those words are whispered to him
Words that in my heart i held so dear
You knew I loved you
I thought you loved me too
But when I see you with him,,
it makes me remember
how things used to be
When you said you loved me.
I haven't seen your smile
The one who lured me with her charms
is not with me, but in another's arms
Now what am I supposed to do?
I can't think about the good times
when you spoke the lover's lines
I can't think at all tonight,
I just wonder why?
Why do you love him and not me?
I love you, don't you see?
These thoughts cloud my mind
Did our love make me blind?
I just lay here because I can't sleep
Thinking of promises you couldn't keep
What did I do that changed your heart?
What was it that brought us apart?
I think of the words you whispered
The ones that no one else would hear
now those words are whispered to him
Words that in my heart i held so dear
You knew I loved you
I thought you loved me too
But when I see you with him,,
it makes me remember
how things used to be
When you said you loved me.
Love S.O.S
Onto the sea
I sailed my boat
And prayed that it
Would stay afloat
I sailed my boat
And prayed that it
Would stay afloat
From dawn til dusk
From dusk til dawn
In search of love
I drifted on
What happened then
I don't recall
I think it was
A sudden squall
For when I awoke
I thought I died
At the sight of an angel
At my side
But lucky for me
That was not true
For I found love
And love was you.
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
I can't make you love me
Turn down the lights
Turn down the bed
Turn down these voices
Inside my head
Lay down with me
Tell me no lies
Just hold me close
Don't patronize
Don't patronize
'Cause I can't make you love me
If you don't
You can't make your heart feel
Something it won't
Here in the dark
In this final hour
Imma lay down my heart
And feel the power if you want
No you won't
I'll close my eyes
Then I won't see
The love you don't feel
When you're holding me
Mornin' will come
And I'll do, I'll try
Just give me till then
To give up this fight
And I will give up this fight
'Cause I can't make you love me
If you don't
You can't make your heart feel
Somethin it won't
Here in the dark
In these final hours
I will lay down my heart
And feel the power if you want
No you won't
Turn down the bed
Turn down these voices
Inside my head
Lay down with me
Tell me no lies
Just hold me close
Don't patronize
Don't patronize
'Cause I can't make you love me
If you don't
You can't make your heart feel
Something it won't
Here in the dark
In this final hour
Imma lay down my heart
And feel the power if you want
No you won't
I'll close my eyes
Then I won't see
The love you don't feel
When you're holding me
Mornin' will come
And I'll do, I'll try
Just give me till then
To give up this fight
And I will give up this fight
'Cause I can't make you love me
If you don't
You can't make your heart feel
Somethin it won't
Here in the dark
In these final hours
I will lay down my heart
And feel the power if you want
No you won't
Saturday, January 8, 2011
A Death On Its Way
My death it is coming soon
I can feel it in the air
And I know that I will not be missed
Even when I am lying there.
I have tried the best in this life
And I helped out all that I could
But when it came my time for help
I looked around, and no one stood.
I don't know who I am anymore
I know that I just don't belong
So when I leave this world I wont care
Because I believe my living was all wrong.
My death it is in my dreams
So in reality I am dying everyday
I have pleaded and begged to everyone
Even to GOD I fell to my knees to pray.
I wished that I would be missed before I was gone
I wished someone in myself, would just believe
But all I hear is that I didn't miss much in this life
But they never had to plead, what about me.
If I were someone else it would be a different story
Their life and memories wouldn't be at the end
Someone would be there for them each and everyday
And everywhere they look, they would see a friend.
My life is coming to an end
Everyday I feel the coldness that much more
Now overtime that I look, I am alone
As no one sides with me, no one has done before.
Why must one person in life be treated so bad
Why must his dreams and wishes be washed away
Is everyone else wishes more important that is
Should his dreams and wishes be all erased.
I am told to wish and dream what others expect
Even if its the dreams and wishes that others had
But then all theirs smiles have been from yesterday
And yesterday was the time that made me glad.
My life is almost at its end
I can feel the people walking on my grave
And one thing I do know, it is I will be replaced
And truly I wish everyone a happier and peaceful day.
So why must I be treated the way that I am
I truly do try my best to help people in this life
To see them smile and not to hurt anyone
What wrong could be worth that simple price.
So I wish my life was a better time
I wish and pray that all treated me like a friend
And I wish I wasn't used or took advantage of
And sadly, I wish that my life wasn't coming to its end.
MBADND
I can feel it in the air
And I know that I will not be missed
Even when I am lying there.
I have tried the best in this life
And I helped out all that I could
But when it came my time for help
I looked around, and no one stood.
I don't know who I am anymore
I know that I just don't belong
So when I leave this world I wont care
Because I believe my living was all wrong.
My death it is in my dreams
So in reality I am dying everyday
I have pleaded and begged to everyone
Even to GOD I fell to my knees to pray.
I wished that I would be missed before I was gone
I wished someone in myself, would just believe
But all I hear is that I didn't miss much in this life
But they never had to plead, what about me.
If I were someone else it would be a different story
Their life and memories wouldn't be at the end
Someone would be there for them each and everyday
And everywhere they look, they would see a friend.
My life is coming to an end
Everyday I feel the coldness that much more
Now overtime that I look, I am alone
As no one sides with me, no one has done before.
Why must one person in life be treated so bad
Why must his dreams and wishes be washed away
Is everyone else wishes more important that is
Should his dreams and wishes be all erased.
I am told to wish and dream what others expect
Even if its the dreams and wishes that others had
But then all theirs smiles have been from yesterday
And yesterday was the time that made me glad.
My life is almost at its end
I can feel the people walking on my grave
And one thing I do know, it is I will be replaced
And truly I wish everyone a happier and peaceful day.
So why must I be treated the way that I am
I truly do try my best to help people in this life
To see them smile and not to hurt anyone
What wrong could be worth that simple price.
So I wish my life was a better time
I wish and pray that all treated me like a friend
And I wish I wasn't used or took advantage of
And sadly, I wish that my life wasn't coming to its end.
MBADND
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