Every single day

 I’m tired of being lied to every single day

I’m tired of them telling me everything is okay.

It’s not
And how dumb do you think I am
To accept the bullshit you put in my head

It’s not about the shit you say
Or the rules by which you play
Those are all bad
But one day they’ll fade away

It’s the fact that you stopped the ball from rolling
It wasn’t much but at least it had started going
Now it’s falling back and shit is getting worse
You made a lot of promises but all you brought was curse
And yet you smile and say that good things are on the way
And the enemy is me because of all the things I say

Do you really think I would step up in your way?
Just to get some attention or for some political play
Or is it maybe you’re afraid that I’m actually right
And all your mistakes will be found and seen in the light
And then people will wonder what the hell you’ve been doing
Well guess what bitch… that shits already brewing

My vow

On this day, that we are wed


And thru the years that lie ahead


This I vow, and promise true


I give my heart and soul to you


To give you all the love you need


To prove that love with word and deed


To keep you warm and near and close


To protect the one, I love the most


To give you laughter, poem and song


To love you deep, and love you long


To appreciate what you say and do


To honor and to cherish you


To love you more and more each day


To share the work, and share the play


To be the man you love and need


To sometimes follow, sometimes lead


To my wife, I so adore


I promise all these things and more

My Best Buddy

The emptiness now becomes my best buddy,
To live each day as it passes just as low as the last,
The inside is crying hidden suddenly by the smile,
To feel acceptance is to open up to more pain and denial,
Happiness like a rain cloud is only there long enough,
To make the desert yearn for almost just enough,
Growing close to loosing all hope its becoming dark,
The world easily shows hate without a small remark,
To feel accepted and alive grows slowly thin,
Another day ending with no promise or feeling from within,
The child never sees it coming unaware of its strength,
Adults heart die along with the child's will to survive,
False disguise of hope in our world nears to the end,
Only to reveal that disappointment becomes our best buddy.

Just A Thought'

If I ever tell someone "Hey I'm always here if you wanna talk and get things off you chest" but when that person comes to me and I'm not around or not available I can't get mad when they don't feel like talking about the situation or what was bothering them anymore. That would not be cool on my part. I also cant press the issue, all I can do is just sit back and wait till your comfortable to come to me and say "hey can I talk to you bout something?" then I'd be all ears. There are certain things that some people just don't like, feel comfortable, or just plain hard for them to talk about and the issue is not supposed to be forced. That's one of a few things I don't agree with therapy, some people just try to pry things out of your head that your not really comfortable with and it only makes you more uncomfortable after the fact. If i ever wanted someone to confide in me and for me to be someone they would go to in the event that they needed to talk and just get it out i have to be patient and let them come to me and not be pushy; after all they are coming to me.

AND ANOTHER THING...... make a small check point real quick. sometimes the best way and time to talk to someone is when your laying in bed, Just think about it, I'll say this from a guy stand point but I'm sure some women can relate, when your laying there wit your mate and u guys are just talking there is a line of comfort there that gives the opportunity to talk bout things they wouldn't normally talk about, its something bout laying there in the quiet dark room wit your lady laying there on your chest listening to your heart beat that gives the most comfort to a guy and ladies when he wraps that arm around u holding u to his heart makes the same feeling for u. and it doesn't necessarily have to be after sex although its greatly better, but just a nice talk would do. but on the sex side, you know how people say make up sex is the best sex. now don't get me wrong i kinda agree with this, when the wild side of people come out, but what people don't tell u is when all the love making is done the talk that comes afterwards, when she rests her head and he wraps his arm around her indicating the security she has in him. Its that moment that has the most effect because that comfort, vulnerability, trust, security is what lets people SHOW and EXPRESS they emotions when they normally don't, not saying that in the bed is when this ONLY happens but it happens frequently, JUST THINK ABOUT IT.,

A mind moving forward

My mind is truly everywhere, at times I have thoughts about things I don't normally think about. It often scare me when I think about how much has changed about me and my mind since I've graduated high school. I've done some things I've Prolly would have never done, but the question is why the change in my ways. Maybe its some things that happened before that I haven't just dealt with yet or maybe some things afterward. Someone close to me told me I have abandonment issues, now that may or may not be true but I know for sure that I have some issues That I do need to work out in my mind and in my heart. I plan to go see someone about who I am because the man before you isn't the man I know. When I look in the mirror I don't see myself. Funny my God mother says the same. She says she don't recognize my facial expressions, telling me That they are void and without meaning and she's not used to looking at me like that. I try to pull myself together as much as I can but nothing seems to work. I really hope I come out of this as someone I recognize, and stop hurting people and myself.

Are You Afraid Of Being Different?

On the path of evolution, we move from being a willing and obedient member of the group to wanting to take control over our own lives. This is a necessary but difficult transition.

At this point we are afraid of being ourselves. We are afraid of being unique and different. We are afraid of being individually powerful, and even successful. For all of these things stand against the old ways that told us that conformity was right and individualism was wrong.

For as long as we possibly can, we make a compromise. We try to live both lives - the dependent tribal life and the independent personal life - as contradictory and opposite as they are.

We want approval from others. We want to be accepted and popular. We seek this comfort to overcome our fear and feel more secure. ...So, at times when we conform, we don’t feel the fear of living. But we might lose the new sense of adventure, discovery, daring and enthusiasm for life that the questioning and questing have brought us.

Completed

questions that get asked while no answers have been given. the truth becomes obsolete while the lies become livin, misfortune and despair are only perception my thoughts remain clear while yours keep you guessin, to the confession of my deceptions trickle down the spine like a bad lesson, better quit messin while your ahead in this game with secluded fortune and fame. the realities i see are like a dimension in 3-d, with the optical illusions that become to hard to percieve causing a struggle to breathe, you cant even see that its about to be free you've unlocked the darkness in me. i begin to slice open and bleed, till the red turns to green. i've given up on it all life becomes to obscene, dont worry jus finish it im done with all the shit and absorbed the final hit, it wasnt the face or the chest you've punctured my heart and put it to the test, but i failed like the rest, you've proven your the best, so jus leave me alone im already obsessed, yeah i've confessed but at least i feel free and finally me, even though i hate it beyond all reality. so i guess that thats it, the hope has been dropped just finish off the life of the heart that you've stopped.